Miss you Ry – 5/16/1996-7/26/2010 July 26, 2012
I know that my floors may be cleaner
my vacuum less active
my backyard quieter.
And I know that some will mention the Rainbow Bridge,
the place where he and I will meet again.
I also know that the bridges I cross until then
are simply thresholds into places where he no longer is
and that the vacuum
is not a piece of machinery anymore,
but a place he didn’t plan to create inside me.
What I don’t know
are the right things to say
how to say them
or when to stop saying them.
He’s with me through this time
and beyond this time
because there will never be a time
when he isn’t with me
as I cross those bridges to the backyard and beyond.
If I had a hammer…. July 19, 2012
“…I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening, all over this land…”
(I don’t know why I had to jot this down this morning; I just did; maybe it’s to get rid of the earworm that found its way in and I have no idea why. It’s not like I’m listening to Pete Seeger or Peter, Paul and Mary. Maybe it’s a hint that I should. OR maybe it’s telling me to:
—Do some work that needs to be done around the house.
—Get more politically involved.
—Think about going into carpentry.
—Speaking of carpentry, think about Jesus. (I’m pretty sure that’s not it—the Jesus part, that is. “Hey Jesus, can you fix my son’s blindness? And also, we really need some shelves for our den; could you get it done by next Tuesday? Your choice of how to prioritize our orders…)”
—Start my song writing up again.
—Stop blogging and start writing. I DO have some poems to send into Blue Mountain Press. They pay $300 for the ones they use (though I’m not sure about copyright and intellectual copyright; after the Crabby thing, I’d better look into that).
So what the heck am I doing here? What are you doing here? In the wise words of the retired Crabby Office Lady, “Now, GET BACK TO WORK!”
P.S. Did you know that Pete Seeger decided to resign from his band, the Weavers when the three other band members agreed to perform a jingle for a cigarette commercial.
Mad skillz I’m working on July 10, 2012
What are the mad skillz YOU want/need?
4th of July July 4, 2012
Whew — been a while since I posted. Been busy detoxing from MSFT (after more than 13 years, it takes a while) and in Mexico getting pickled in tequila. Both things delightful. I haven’t felt so good since July 2010 when I was forced onto another team with a rotten manager. (By the way, anyone read the Vanity Fair article about Microsoft’s “lost decade” and “cannibalistic culture?” I certainly felt all hollowed out the past 18 months, barely a bag of bones and stuffing.) I think it’s really true–it’s beaurocratic BS and management pitfalls that are preventing the company from reaching its fullest potential. We truly spend 1/3 of each year writing about what we did or didn’t do in perf. previews.
(And in the wise words of Forest Gump: That is all I have to say about that.”)
No fireworks in ALL counties in Colorado this year due to the wildfire danger, the wildfires themselves, and the general heat and dryness of the area. I can’t remember a summer this hot and I also haven’t heard a single rogue firecracker go off. That is unusual but maybe people are getting the message and also, here in Denver, showing some respect.
Bamboo (our hairy white Great Pyrenees/Akita/Yorkie mix) has had to be inside all day and night, getting her walks in the early mornings. Can’t even walk her at night–the temp doesn’t seem to drop until after 9 or 10.
Job hunt slowly entering the consciousness…resemu ready…search engines joined…getting ideas….getting hits…gotta start actively working on it next week when B is at camp.
Mexico was great fun and it took a while to come down from it. My folks celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary by taking all the kids and grandkids (14 of us in all) to Club Med Ixtapa for a week. Although this is not the normal crew I’d want to spend a week at the beach with, everyone had a good time and was pretty civil to each other, (A couple of minor scuffles at the airport but we were all tired and and wanting to be home so I don’t count that.)
But I have to say: I do get awfully tired of the grandma’s blatant favoritism toward the grandkids. It’s so ingrained in her that I know doesn’t realize it. But what is odd is that she wasn’t the fave in her family and so she knows how much it hurts. It’s started to affect my daughter’s feelings about her (though I haven’t chimed in at all. I’ve just watched and listened.) Just so much doting and helicoptering and constant chattering about how this one is “her prince” and this one “never complains” and this one is just “just like her mother–loves everything, is happy with everything.” The thing is, I adore these children–they are great kids and you can’t help but love them. They’re beautiful kids who are smart, affectionate, funny. I love them so much. But the constant hovering of Granny is driving me mad and making my daughter feel very left out. I’d tell B to approach her grandma but Mom acts always so very irritated with me as a general rule (and has since I was a teenager) and in our family, we NEVER “talk things out” so I can’t exactly tell my kid to try that approach with her grandma whom she loves so much. B knows she’s loved; she just feels second (or fourth) best.
So I’m not sure what to do. I’d talk to my sister but I have a feeling it would put some sort of bad blood between us and I don’t want that. We communicate but not on a particularly deep level. I love and admire her too, even though I wonder about her choices sometimes. But she’s a great mom and daughter and seems happy with her life. And it is HER life; not mine–her choices not mine.
B told me as we were buying mattresses earlier this week and trying them all out, one by one and then hopping back and forth between our favorites: “I’m so glad I have a happy mother.” That is the best compliment someone could give me. That when they’re with me, I seem happy. And I AM happy when I’m with B. The world is better through her eyes.
A popular female Pakistani singer who defied the Taliban’s decree against singing and dancing was shot and killed in northwest Pakistan Monday night, police and hospital officials told CNN.
Authorities described the singer’s ex-husband as a suspect in the case, and said early indications were that the Taliban were not involved, according to police official Imtiaz Altaf.
Ghazala Javed, who recorded scores of songs in her native Pashto language and became a household name among young, progressive ethnic Pashtuns in northwest Pakistan, had just left a beauty salon and was driving home with her father when gunmen on a motorcycle raced towards their car and sprayed it with bullets, Altaf said.
For singing. Let’s see what sort of punishment her killer gets, shall we?
Day….6 June 18, 2012
Got my unemployment info after filling out all the forms. You can do it all online which is great. I had visions of standing in line with 23-year-old mothers and their 3 snotty-nosed chil’run , all snacking on Cheetos and Big Gulps. (Opps…is my “ism” of some sort showing….?)
Just last month either the federal or state government cut down on how many weeks you could file. It appears that I can file for 26 weeks. Ha;l a year. That’s not bad. Of course I can’t LIVE on $2k a month but I think that’s the most they offer you. There’s some sort of cut-off on how much they’ll pay you and I think I hit the limit, which is sort of sad if you get laid off and you were being paid 300K a year. So t does that mean that, if, say, if Mitt Romney lost his job (does he even have a job?) and found himself unemployed, he cold only get $500 a week. Gosh, I find that sort of comforting…
Did I mention that futons are filled with hatred? (C’mon Clay–get here with the new upstairs air conditioner before I have to do one more night on a futon in a twin bed…)
Leaving for Meheeco next Saturday for a week with the entire family. And I do mean the brother, the sister, the 3 nephews, the 3 nieces, the two parents, the two in-laws, and my one darling daughter (without whom I sure as hell would not go). I frankly thought it was NOT a good idea for my parents to spring for a Club Med trip for all of us, in order to celebrate their 50th anniversary. And I told them so and we ALL told them so and at firsts we thought we’d SWAYED them…but apparently not. I mean, what about a nice party? But no, they insisted and while yes, I’m looking forward to it, I’m also very much afraid–and I don’t mean of the drinking water. Recently three times (first two times were from two close, younger, relatives–over 21–and one time a good friend commented that a certain family member is very snappish to me and just shuts me down when I offer an opinion. Again, I feel vindicated that it’s not just ME who’s over-reacting but that it IS happening. I think it has something to do with competitive parenting. It’s really weird and I’m trying to let it roll off my back but I have a back made of velcro (or so it seems). Lots of yoga, Annik; lots of yoga. One of my instructors says “take all that stress and resistance and brush it to the sides of your mat…” yeah, the sides of my mat. Yeah, brush it. More like get a wind machine and fill up a crater.
I did create a t-shirt for all 14 of us to wear on the plane–it was taken in 1961 in Austria, one of the many countries my folks visited on their honeymoon. The man in the middle is, who else? Neptune! My mom used to say that he was her grandfather and we believed her for the longest time. And wouldn’t you know it, the CLub Med logo is a trident…