My (former) life as the crab

Musings about life after Crabby Office Lady

Infidelity in the workplace: Believe me sexybacks, we all know June 13, 2012

P.S. Rob A. + Becca R.: Who doesn’t know (Double that: Who isn’t completely grossed out?) Hey MRS. Robinson: Remember the sweet present I sent your second child? Apparently not. God, I love that Karma charge card: Play now…pay later.

P.P.S. JeRe and Bon Vivant (see previous post): Again: Did you think we didn’t all know? Really? Las Vegas etc.? I was 1400 miles away and even I knew.

Ew. I mean. Ew.

(And J.R.: All that makeup and work done to your face? Like we wouldn’t notice?? Your smile is still tight and mean-spirited. Nothing can smooth that away. What happened to you? You used to be so…nice (well…sorta). And at the MVP Summit 2010? You couldn’t even DEIGN to talk to me because what, you were “getting into character” to talk to….Mister Excel?

If you want to be actors, J.R, D.T., L.B…..GO BE ACTORS. No one wants to see videos of geeks talking about their geekdom.  EW. AGAIN.

No idea who these people are - just an awkward company party


Anna Quindlen on her 50s May 10, 2012

Annik - 10th birthdayFirst lines of her new book Lots of Candles and Plenty of Cake:

” It’s odd when I think of the arc of my life – from child to young woman to aging adult. First I was who I was. Then I didn’t know who I was. Then I invented someone and became her. Then I began to like what I’d invented. And finally I was what I was again.”

I think I am starting to get that. I remember who I was as a kid–I remember beign my most powerfulas a kid at age 11-12, before puberty came on. And then I didn’t know who I was. And yes, like Anna, I created someone I thought I wanted to be–should be, tried to be. And now that I’m inching toward 50, I think I’m back to feeling powerful about the real me, about who I am. I’m certainly not 11 or 12 again, but I am feeling powerful about what I want to say and how I want to say it.

This week’s “events” have certainly crystallized that. And while they’ve casued several sleepless nights, filled with dark thoughts and anxeity-driven roanings about the house, I can’t help but feel there is someting more in motin here and if I follow it, it’ll follow me.

I wonder if a fellow columnist like Anna Quindlen would dain to talk to me about this. Maybe I should just read her book.

THis is entirely surprising to me.


Grammar drives me crazy… March 16, 2012

But this in particular:

I hear people talk–on the radio, on TV, on the streets, even at work–who are (I’ve, in the recent past assumed–maybe correctly, maybe not) obviously not particularly educated,  and who don’t spend their time reading, much less writing or considering grammar (just conjecture, of course). This is the one that keeps throwing itself on my mercy

People say (in various contexts)

  • “What he must have WENT through…”

To me that sounds wrong. Just WRONG. I’m not a grammarian so I don’t know the rule for this, but to me, what sounds right is

  • “What he must have GONE through…”

Tyler ClementiI’m using this example because I just heard one of the lawyers on NPR–not sure he was  for the defense (Dharun Ravi who was found guilty of a hate crime, among other things) or the prosecution (for that sweet, gay, violin-playing, bridge-jumping-to his death Tyler Clementi) say “What he must’ve went though” and I thought to myself, “Hm. Self. THis guy is a LAWYER and you aren’t. Maybe it’s YOU who is sounding like an uneducated, McDonald’s-eatin’-3x-a-week-Jersey-Shore-fan. Oof. That’d be bad. I’d better check my resume.

Am I wrong?  Could it be? After all these years of trying to write correctly and working with great editors and copy editors? (Note that at this moment, my job entails NOT having real editors or even copy editors–RAMONA WE MISS YOU– just…well I can’t say or I’d get into trouble and I need this job, as dull and boring and mind/soul numbing as it is. Maybe another time when I’ve moved on (and boy, that time is coming–offers have started to pour, oddly enough; unfortunately they’re in Seattle, Austin, Singapore…). Another topic for another day (and maybe in another location–maybe another continent).

So, what say you, blog readers? I’m going to post my question to Grammar Girl and see what she has to say –if she hasn’t already addressed this. If she has, I’ll post it here. For the 5 of you. Haha.

– Annik (aka Queen Shannikwa, aka Crabby, aka Mommy, aka The Older Human Who Gives Us 4-Month-old-Rats Fatty Sunflower Seeds during the day).

C’mon: Talk to me. Anna? Fran? you’re two fo the smartest people I know. Ask Ryan Warner (whom we met Monday –he’s dreamy, gay, not gay). What’s  his take on “went” and “gone”

Okay, it’s the weekend, Bian has a  friend over and we’re all making pizza and watching Ponyo. So I’m gone for the weekend. Or…I went. Or I done gone and went. Or I done went and am gone. Huh. English is tricky. I do both Iyengar and Bikram Yoga so I’m pretty sure Sanskrit is trickier.


Title of this blog? January 20, 2012

Crabby Office Lady with a thought bubbleNo one has ever asked me why I named this blog what I did: My Life as the Crab. I wonder why not. Not “a” crab but “THE Crab.”

Maybe clicking on the image will give you a clue…


Hawaiian advice January 6, 2012

Golden handcuffsA coworker (well we’re on the same uber team but we never really work together) fled to Hawaii just a few months before I fled to Colorado. Only SHE wasn’t allowed to keep her full-time status so she became a vendor, meaning she had the same job, same manager, but worked for a middle man. I, however, was allowed to keep my FTE status (for reasons I’m still not sure of) and it worked out pretty good until now because I’m not doing my old job, the one I loved and had passion for. No, I’m stuck in a job I hate, and didn’t apply for and wasn’t trained for. And it has great benefits and pays me a decent salary. Golden handcuffs I bleive they call it.

Anyway, this coworker and I had some email exchanges yesterday and she asked me what me dream job would be and I told her I’d like to write essays, compile them into books, and then read them live and go on book tours. Like David Sedaris only taller, and with a lower voice. But I do adore him. ANd his Billie Holiday impressions which is so exactly like the woman that it’s scary.  And maybe adore David Rakoff even more. (He is much darker; that could be why. I’m drawn to cynicism and disgust for my fellow man.) And he is “battling” cancer. I hope he’s okay. I heard him on Fresh Air last year and he said it was the SECOND time he’d had cancer. Yikes. I should go check on him.

Anyway, L, from Hawaii, suggested I consider writing essays in the voice of kids my own daughter’s age, 9-1/2. “Tweens” they are now called (because god forbid we go through one second of our lives here on this earth without some sort of label). I like that idea and I’m going to try it. I wonder if there are people doing that now. More research.

In any case, I have to go back now to writing help topics for the next version of Word aobut things I know nothing about, such as mail merge. I can’t believe there are still people employed writing help topics (let alone about mail merge which no one gets anyway). Help topics just make customers mad. We all know that. Why can’t the software just WORK AS ADVERTISED. Gee, someone with the intials S.J. who started up a little company that had fruit as its logo understood that. It works, it’s cute, you love it, you’re loyal.

But I am glad that every single one of my coworkers is employed (me included). Except my manager. He’s a coof. (And if he ever read this blog–which I highly doubt would ever happne because I don’t name names–he would be so mad …and yet deep inside know it’s true.

Thanks, L.V., for the chat yesteerday; for some reason, I felt happier and more hopeful.


What am I learning from this? January 4, 2012

Filed under: Annik,General musings,Working for a living — Annik @ 12:02 pm

2-year-old B and 8-year-old Ry in SeattleThat I’m lazy? No, I am not lazy. That I’m scared? Well, everyone is, really. That movie “Defending Your Life” really drives that idea home and I think it’s true:” Fear keeps us from accomplishing and doing the things we really want. (Somehow KNOWING that and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT THAT are two different things. Huh.)

For the next few months I’ll be writing things that no one needs a college degree to write. And it’s not even writing, really. It’s rewriting. It’s…scrubbing. You have this floor. It once had polish. Then you had kids and they had kids and now the floor needs polishing. Hire the washerwoman to dust it, mop it, polish it. Oh, and maybe you’ll need to hire someone with a teensy bit more experience to refinish it.

That is what I now do for a living. It’s very easy and I get paid well to do it. It leaves me plenty of time during the day to get things done like walk the dog, take a yoga class, visit the rats (another post for another day), laundry, and maybe even grocery shopping. This just doesn’t seem right,

And yet, should I not be happy about this? Particularly in this economy (as my good friend Jodie continually tells me
as she got laid off from HP and then a year later was hired, as a contractor, to do the EXACT SAME JOB she was laid off for)?

Here’s the thing: I’m bored. And I have a good, creative brain that has lots to offer. And I don’t think this is good role modeling for my kid either.

Her: “What’d ya do at work today, Mom?”
Me: “Nothing.”
Her: “What do you mean ‘nothing’? Surely you did SOMETHING?”
Me: “I taught someone how to turn off the spell checker in a really non-technical way because we’re all doing that now, trying to talk to our customers in a really nice way, a way that makes them feel like we’re human.”
Her: “Isn’t that what you did for almost 10 years as the Crabby Office Lady?”
Me: Go do your homework.


Is work life or is it vice versa? December 15, 2011

Filed under: Annik,General musings,Working for a living — Annik @ 12:51 pm
Tags: , ,

I’m in on online meeting. 10 people are in Redmond, I’m here, they’ve forgotten to turn the switch on that lets ME interact and CONTRIBUTE to the meeting. I decided –this time–to not remind anyone this time.

Something is very, very wrong here. Because I don’t give a flying you-know-what about how many Facebook “likes” Michael’s OneNote blog has gotten (though I do adore Michael) or how often Joannie interrupts everyone since everything she does having to do with poetry is so much more important than everything elese, or how the Ultimate  Tool, Louis (manager), is just a turnkey for the rest of the greasyt middle management.

Then again, I’m happy to have a job with a stable company that will probably never go out of business (but will also never be beloved by its customers).

Crabby was beloved. Now she’s dead.

I think I need some X.