My (former) life as the crab

Musings about life after Crabby Office Lady

Hawaiian advice January 6, 2012

Golden handcuffsA coworker (well we’re on the same uber team but we never really work together) fled to Hawaii just a few months before I fled to Colorado. Only SHE wasn’t allowed to keep her full-time status so she became a vendor, meaning she had the same job, same manager, but worked for a middle man. I, however, was allowed to keep my FTE status (for reasons I’m still not sure of) and it worked out pretty good until now because I’m not doing my old job, the one I loved and had passion for. No, I’m stuck in a job I hate, and didn’t apply for and wasn’t trained for. And it has great benefits and pays me a decent salary. Golden handcuffs I bleive they call it.

Anyway, this coworker and I had some email exchanges yesterday and she asked me what me dream job would be and I told her I’d like to write essays, compile them into books, and then read them live and go on book tours. Like David Sedaris only taller, and with a lower voice. But I do adore him. ANd his Billie Holiday impressions which is so exactly like the woman that it’s scary.  And maybe adore David Rakoff even more. (He is much darker; that could be why. I’m drawn to cynicism and disgust for my fellow man.) And he is “battling” cancer. I hope he’s okay. I heard him on Fresh Air last year and he said it was the SECOND time he’d had cancer. Yikes. I should go check on him.

Anyway, L, from Hawaii, suggested I consider writing essays in the voice of kids my own daughter’s age, 9-1/2. “Tweens” they are now called (because god forbid we go through one second of our lives here on this earth without some sort of label). I like that idea and I’m going to try it. I wonder if there are people doing that now. More research.

In any case, I have to go back now to writing help topics for the next version of Word aobut things I know nothing about, such as mail merge. I can’t believe there are still people employed writing help topics (let alone about mail merge which no one gets anyway). Help topics just make customers mad. We all know that. Why can’t the software just WORK AS ADVERTISED. Gee, someone with the intials S.J. who started up a little company that had fruit as its logo understood that. It works, it’s cute, you love it, you’re loyal.

But I am glad that every single one of my coworkers is employed (me included). Except my manager. He’s a coof. (And if he ever read this blog–which I highly doubt would ever happne because I don’t name names–he would be so mad …and yet deep inside know it’s true.

Thanks, L.V., for the chat yesteerday; for some reason, I felt happier and more hopeful.