The death of the orange sweater May 10, 2012
I have (had) these two friends–a couple–that I’d known for about 6 years. We’d become pretty close and they’d become close with my kid. We’d been there for each other through some rough times: family deaths, job losses, illness, pet deaths, childlessness issues.
Then, all of a sudden, last December, they stopped talking to me. Both of them. The last time I saw them was at one of their birthday parties. I brought wine, a gift, and even took off my the sweater I’d worn and gave it to the hostess when I was leaving because she loved it so much. (Needless to say, I said it wasn’t a favorite of mine anyway–which was completely untrue–but I figured that after what she’d been through this year, it was just a simple token of my love and friendship for her.
I’m an idiot.
Then one day, I send an email inviting the two of them to a glass blowing experience–on me, of course–as well as updates on the family, asking about the now orange-sweatered gal and her grieving process (her dad just died and boy did we try to be there for her and her partner…AND their dog). I immediately received this curt reply:
“Thanks for the invite, but no can do. Super busy right now.”
(I keep these sorts of things in case I forget who these people are or forget why it is we dropped out of each others’ lives.)
I wrote back and asked if that was all I was worth, a 12-word response without even signing her name.
No response. From her or her partner–who isn’t much of a writer/speller/reader anyway and yet still makes whopping boatloads of money doing…not quite sure, actually, but makes sure that YOU know that SHE makes the sort of money she does. You know, a typical come-from-no-money to now having money story and behavior that I’ve always let slide. (MEEEEOWWWW! Annik!)
And it’s 6 months later. Not even a call on my birthday.
Here’s the irony of this — and it is thick: My daughter is going through, with many of the 4th and 5th grade girls, daily dramas about who is friends with whom and who is being mean and who is gossiping and how the younger friends from last year’s class just don’t understand that when you’re in a different grade and a different class you still love them but can’t always be or play with them because you’re trying to cultivate new friends too, people with whom you spend all day…and so on and so forth. Bian and I have many sit-down chats about how it’s important to TALK about what is going on so that it doesn’t fester and you don’t lose friends over things that maybe aren’t weren’t losing them over. That sometimes it’s scary to confront someone because maybe they’d said something hurtful. I try to teach Bian to not say a lot of “you”s when talking to this person; make it more about how SHE is feeling and not what the other person did or did not do.
And yet two 40-something women can’t even do that. And even if they tried now, it’s too late. I mean 6 months? Really? What could I possibly have done between the time we had a great birthday party to that weak response to my generous offer?
Of course I’ll always be somewhat curious, but I’ve let it go because life is short and people are weird and insecure (insecure is the key word here with that one) and I need to let my daughter understand that things like this happen. Even when we never find out why.
So it’s like mourning a death of two friends.
But more than that…
I want my orange sweater back!
Adho Mukha Śvānāsana January 18, 2012
I started up yoga again. I used to do it pretty regularly a few years ago but lapsed. So I took a few level I classes the past two weeks and found them…lacking in something. Too easy? Not challenging? Boring. All of the above. And at one of them — all women–there was a lot of chatter going on amongst them and even the female teacher. I felt like shouting,. “This is yoga people! Not your book club!” But of course I was in Bālāsana or Child’;s Pose and shouting didn’t seem appropriate.
So then TODAY I took a Level II class with a guy named Kila who was about…50, Hawaiian with one hell of a body and unreal flexibility and in an hour we did headstands, shoulder stands, and backbends. It seemed more like a Level III class to me and he didn’t even offer people alternative poses. I’m a little disappointed with that. From my previous practice (and the fact that my best friend is a certified Iyengar instructor), I know that you are supposed to offer “modifications” that you cn do. A couple of the ladies in there seemed genuinely…injured. Wiped out. Pissed off. And out of their league. Seriously. I kind of want to talk to him about that but it was my very first time with him so…do I have the right to ask him? I knew how to do most of the poses but that was most definitely NOT a level II class. I’ll bet there won’t be as many gals there next week. Not even sure I’LL be there next week.
I have another Level II class on Friday with a different guy. We’ll see. (Yeah,. we’ll see if I can get out of bed tomorrow…)
Is work life or is it vice versa? December 15, 2011
I’m in on online meeting. 10 people are in Redmond, I’m here, they’ve forgotten to turn the switch on that lets ME interact and CONTRIBUTE to the meeting. I decided –this time–to not remind anyone this time.
Something is very, very wrong here. Because I don’t give a flying you-know-what about how many Facebook “likes” Michael’s OneNote blog has gotten (though I do adore Michael) or how often Joannie interrupts everyone since everything she does having to do with poetry is so much more important than everything elese, or how the Ultimate Tool, Louis (manager), is just a turnkey for the rest of the greasyt middle management.
Then again, I’m happy to have a job with a stable company that will probably never go out of business (but will also never be beloved by its customers).
Crabby was beloved. Now she’s dead.
I think I need some X.